sugar on snow

What is the greatest thing Vermont has given American society?

correct! Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream.

Why? Because B&J's Ice Cream is the pinnacle of all that Ice Cream stands for: a thick, rich, tasty, and fun dessert. If you don't know what I mean when I say Ben & Jerry's makes some seriously fun ice cream, you need to do some research. Start in the premium ice cream section of your local grocer. (B&J's is even socio-political-guilt free! No rBGH or anything.)

On Friday night, I began to understand why B&J's comes from Vermont.

Charlotte Phillips' mother Betty has the following sign hanging above here dining table: "Life is uncertain: eat dessert first."

So, on our first full day in Randolph, Vermont, we went hiking and met some cool people, including Charlotte's high school Theatre Director Charley McMeekan, who is totally cool. Alec kept looking for Sasquatch all day, and eventually found him closer than expected.

But the featured event of the evening, the event we planned the whole day around, was the seemingly simple "sugar on snow."

Let me break it down for you. This is the greatest thing in the world, so stick with me.

Start with the following:
- fresh, local, high-quality maple syrup. (this is the "sugar")
- snow, preferably fresh (in this case, kept in the freezer since the last snow by a thoughtful Betty Phillips)
- homemade plain donuts (we had good, cakey, potato-donuts made by Charlotte's Uncle Guy)
- a jar of pickles (we had kosher garlic dill baby pickles)

Here you can see most of it: Betty on the left, a little bit of Uncle Guy on the right, snow in bowls at bottom, donuts next to the stove, syrup with thermometer on the burner-




Now, here's where it gets weird. (yes, weirder than the pickles)
Heat the syrup to 232 degrees Fahrenheit.
Distribute the snow to people in bowls.
Place pickles and donuts in the middle of the table.
Equip everyone with forks.

Now comes the first challenge. Poor the hot maple syrup onto your snow very slowly, creating a thin layer of syrup on top of the snow. Pass the syrup on, and take your fork in your right hand, a donut in your left hand, and set a pickle nearby where you can reach it quickly.

(You're still wondering what the pickle is there for. Just relax, I promise it works out.)

Now, by the time you have all these items in your hand, (if you did everything right) your syrup will have congealed into a thick, gooey skin on top of your snow. Using the fork, you can easily lift chunks of the congealed stuff to your mouth- but don't bring any snow up with it! I repeat, do not eat the snow.

When the syrup-ness enters your mouth, it will stick to your teeth and delight your tongue in ways I cannot accurately and justly relate. Then, you'll immediately feel your teeth start to rot.

DON'T PANIC- take a bite of your delicious plain donut, which combines fabulously with the syrup still sticking inside your mouth, and helps move it around and towards your anxiously awaiting stomach, while relieving the frightening sensation from your teeth.

(Just ignore the pickle for a moment longer, I'll get there.)

At this point in the experience, I asked the Vermonters, "So, can you just put the maple syrup congealed chunks of pure joy directly onto the donuts?!?" Of course, if I had watched them instead of being preoccupied with my own delicious morsels, I would have seen that they were already performing this fabulous maneuver. They grinned at me like I was a small child with my first root beer float (which I basically was), and Uncle Guy said, very seriously, "Do you think?"

Oh, hell yes, you can drop that syrup right onto your donut. And indeed it is good, and it is right.

Most of a donut, half a serving of syrup, and my mouth tastes like a candy factory. The experience is delightful, but my mouth is already rebelling. Could it really end so quickly?

Indeed no, there is more. This is where the pickle comes in. Yes, I bit the pickle. Yes, the taste was completely out of place. But, for some reason, it tasted better than any pickle I'd ever had in my life. The contradiction in your head right now was also in my head- and in my mouth; so I giggled. And after swallowing, I was ready for some more SUGAR ON SNOW.

Now that we've sorted out the pickle issue, you're probably wondering what's happened to the snow. Well, a couple of things you should know- the snow is packed pretty firmly into the bowls, and much less of it melts than one would expect. You can actually keep using the snow for a couple rounds of syrup (this is why you didn't eat the snow!) If you want more, you just lift the bowl to your mouth, drink the melted snow (now maple-rifically sweetened), and refill your bowl with more snow.

The process is elegant, beautiful, tasty, and fun.

Do you enjoy cleaning lint traps? Peeling away sunburned skin trying to get the biggest piece? Do you know the unique joy of which I speak, when you can facilitate the clean separation of two distinct substances originally unified along a consistent 2-dimensional surface?

The process of harvesting the freshly-congealed maple syrup from its icy bed is like that joy, only more so- because you know it's leading up to something delightful for your mouth. Fun? Heck yes! Especially when combined with the strange bite-pickle-must-giggle effect.

I tackled 2 servings of congealing syrup, and then made it my personal goal to harvest a complete surface of syrup all at once and transfer it to a single donut-- which I would then, of course, consume with great pleasure and some help from a pickle or two.

My first attempt failed in a scrumptious mess of melted snow and many smaller chunks of maple syrup.

Being a notoriously slow eater, by the time I was preparing my second attempt (and fourth serving), everyone else had basically had all the sugar-on-snow, donuts, and pickles that they could take (3 servings at most). Oddly, there was plenty of everything except the pickles- only one remained from the 2 jars' worth.

At this point, I was already on the sort of sugar high I hadn't experienced since my first cotton-candy experience at age 3 or 4, when I passed out at the county fair with pink goo all over my face.

So, while everyone watched, mocked, and snapped photos, I carefully fashioned an ideal snow-surface and meticulously poured a perfect layer of syrup onto it with a maniacal grin on my face. I selected a donut, engaged my fork, and created the greatest thing in the world:



The commentary from the crowd, the pointed cameras, the pickle giggles, the immense amounts of sugar rapidly dominating my bloodstream, and the shear joy of pulling out that perfect hunk of maple syrupy delight all combined to make me go a little wild in the eyes

and to lose my ability to speak coherently for about 10 minutes, while I devoured this masterpiece.




After that performance... well, let's just say that the Vermonters who witnessed it think a little differently about us "Flatlanders" now. And they're fresh out of pickles.

Alec & I were in Vermont for four days, and spent most of that time with the aforementioned Betty & Charlotte, Charlotte's sweetheart Ed, and her old friend Lindsay. If you have ever witnessed the wrestling matches that occur between Alec & myself, or Grizzo & myself, or even Chris Murray & myself... then you understand Lindsay & Charlotte's relationship.

We had lots of fun eating sweets: we had "maple creemees" (softserve) and went to the Ben & Jerry's factory (where I finally learned the corporate policy on chunks: 'A chunk isn't a chunk unless it's a chunk). One might expect an Ice Cream Factory to be a bit of a let-down, but I assure you this was not.

Then we played miniature golf, where I recalled all the skills I cultivated as a pre-teen to finish in about half the strokes it took Alec. Then again, Alec mistook the 'miniature' in "miniature golf" for the words "whack the hell out of the ball" and the 'golf' part for "with every available muscle in your body and without concern for the risk of injury or death to the small children at play in the area".

Then we trucked along to Burlington where I went air-skiing:




click here for a meta-photo.

We also checked out a lake and had a fabulous dinner at the infamous (in Vermont) 'A Single Pebble' Chinese Restaurant.

After saying our goodbyes and thank yous to our fabulous hosts, the return to New York had a surprise in store; but this blog entry is already far too long, so I'll save it for next time.

-gcb